Darling.

Who the fuck are you?
Who the fuck were you to tell me you loved me?
What could have possibly possessed you to find inside yourself a truth in those words?
Who the fuck were you to make me love you?
What all self righteous being granted you that kind of power?
Your self?
Well, here's to you, darling.
The most selfish, egotistical, wonderful son of a bitch around.
You played ping pong with my heart one too many times.
You'd make me laugh and then cry and then smile in a nanosecond.
You'd parade on my emotion as if it were concrete when you knew I was made of glass.
You sat in your smug little way and told me I was beautiful.
Who the fuck were you to call me that?
Who the fuck were you to actually make me feel special or good enough for someone for once in my life?
Oh, but you didn't just build me up, darling
No my heart was the twin towers and you strung those down as quick as you had built them.
See I didn't worship you in the way you fancied.
I wasn't willing to expose my full self to you at any given time.
I shared in you things I wish I never did because now I see the compassion I saw in your eyes was just a thick layer of "You can trust me, because It's convenient for me"
Convenient for you.
That's all that fucking mattered, right?
And here, even now, you'd call me a hypocrite.
Tell me I was wrong.
But I think you're so wrapped up in your own vision of yourself you don't see the damage you've caused.
Because, darling, you were a hurricane to my soul.
A fire that lit the match in my stomach and spread out through my entire imperfect being.
A tsunami to my heart, who was dry and naive.
And worst of all, you cast a tornado upon my head.
Moved all the little pieces around.
You caused me confusion above any I'd ever known because you liked being the one to call the shots.
Well guess what darling?
Here's a fucking shot I'm calling.
I will never, ever, allow someone to take advantage of me and bruise ever inch of my skin the way you did.
I will not permit my walls to come down the way they did for you because:
Who the fuck are you?
To sit there and not cry.
To smile all of the time and laugh that stupid fucking laugh when I'm twenty miles away wrapped in a blanket of sorrow starving from pain.
Fuck you and your stupid happiness.
I had a chance of that, ya know, I tasted a fleeting glimpse of it with you, I thought I knew what it was like.
Then you snatched it up as if there wasn't enough.
As if you couldn't breathe so you suffocated me to get enough oxygen.
Well I can't breathe. Or eat. Or forget about the way the world turned when I was in your arms.
Who the fuck are you to make me feel so shitty and alone?
Who the fuck are you to be carrying on in life?
I gave everything I had in me to you,
I changed myself because I figured my life path could alter itself so you could be pleased with who I was,
I worked so damn hard to put a fucking smile on your face,
I gave you all of my time and my mind,
I thought about you more than what any doctor would describe as healthy because my infatuation with you was alive as ever.
Who the fuck are you right now, to where I still can't get you out of my mind?
Do you think of me?
When you wake up do you have that same knot in your stomach?
Do you wish you could walk over to the next room and consume me in your arms and kiss me like it would be the last time?
Who the fuck were you to kiss me for a last time?
God, do you realize all of the fucking shit you put me through?
You think now you're being decent?
Take a good look in the mirror, darling,
because you are poison to me.
I will never stop loving you.
Two fucking years isn't enough for a simple tear.
Well go ahead, darling, feel numb.
Let your body tingle with nothingness.
When you realize how you tore me apart and rained on my purity and took away every first I could ever have then go ahead and ask yourself:
Who the fuck am I?
Because I'm still trying to figure that out myself.